Bittersweet

This weekend is different from any I’ve experienced in my adulthood. I really don’t have the words to express all that I’m feeling. I have been on an emotional roller coaster of sadness and gladness since earlier in the week when I began reading St. Mark’s recording of Jesus’ final hours before being crucified. Here’s what Mark wrote:

32 Then they came to a place which was named Gethsemane; and He said to His disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33 And He took Peter, James, and John with Him, and He began to be troubled and deeply distressed. 34 Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch.”

35 He went a little farther, and fell on the ground, and prayed that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him. 36 And He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will.”

37 Then He came and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “Simon, are you sleeping? Could you not watch one hour? 38 Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

39 Again He went away and prayed, and spoke the same words. 40 And when He returned, He found them asleep again, for their eyes were heavy; and they did not know what to answer Him.

41 Then He came the third time and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? It is enough! The hour has come; behold, the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. 42 Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.”

As never before, I am convinced that He knows the depth of emotional pain and mental anguish. Because of what He experienced in that place where the reality of His separation from His Father took front and center, I am compelled to see, do and be better by His amazing grace. I can only imagine because all that I have suffered still is no comparison to having the weight of the world’s sin, past, present and future bear down upon you. I can only image at that moment, sorrow overpowered Him as gross darkness blanketed His soul caused by the reality of His sacrifice—separation from the Father, from all that He was, and had ever been from before the foundations of the world—pure holiness.

And when the reality of this hit me, I was overwhelmed by the liberating truth—He did it for me. Yes! I made it personal. Somehow making it so personal changed my whole perspective about the meaning of it all and the benefit of it all. I was both sad and glad. I am sadden by how the whole script played out—the plot to kill, the plan to betray, the human frailty to deny, reject and abandon out of fear. And as He said, “Nevertheless….”

God’s plan doesn’t always make sense to us; however, His purposes shall always prevail and for that, I am glad. When I think about the purpose for it all….that I might be a part of God’s family, I am thankful! And the best part of the script, I read is the reason for tomorrow’s celebration! He is risen!

What about you?