“Grandma, I’m okay.”

I am writing from my broken heart that’s leaking a steady stream of tears as I try to awaken from this nightmare.  I didn’t know that our time together on Memorial Day, May 28, 2012 would be the last time I’d see him light up a room; or that it would be our last grandmother and grandson time together.   I didn’t know that 11 days later he would be gone… so soon.   Yet, I am confident that by faith, this too shall pass—the heaviness that weighs on my heart, the queasy that has set up residence in my stomach, and the uncontrollable sobs that give way to emotional outburst when I reflect on the fact that he has transitioned from this earthly life to life everlasting.

Of course, I would say, his life was cut short too soon.   But  I remember that our days are numbered and only God knows the exact length of time here on earth.  So what’s short or long by my measurements cannot be in alignment with God’s timeline.   I am convinced that there are no surprises with God. He knew on March 2, 2003 that James’ last day here on earth would be June 8, 2012.  He knew all the details of the horrific accident that claimed James’ young life. He knew the pain that would pierce our heart due to the sudden tragic loss of James’ life.  He saw the accident…He saw what really happened although witnesses would say differently. God knew everything that would take place that day at that time—there came a day. It was the day that a moment in time darkness engulfed our family and tried to snuff out the light that shines through faith in Jesus Christ. 

However, I choose to trust God; to take Him at His word.  I choose to follow the Light of Hope that one day I will see James again. But until then, I will listen attentively as I have these past three nights, to his little voice speaking to my spirit saying, “Grandma, I’m okay.”

A grieving grandmother, but not one that grieves as if there’s no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

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